I already talked about being aro/ace and also that I'm not sure if I'm 'only' aro or some other form on the spectrum. And I still don't know and that makes me really frustrated right now.
I kinda thought I was frayromantic - which means that you loose interest in a romantic relationship as soon as you get emotionally close to that person - but I also don't really know if I have ever felt romantic attraction to someone. I mean, I've had a girlfriend and a boyfriend and I liked that boy in 9th grade, but I've never really felt the way people describe romantic attraction or 'being in love'.
And then there's this guy right now who works at the local gay bar and kinda has a crush on me, I guess. But even if he doesn't some time someone probably will have a crush on me again and I don't really know how to handle that.
The problem isn't that I can't say that I don't like them back or just avoid them. The problem is when (that) I like that person, too. That will definitely not be in a sexual way, but I don't know if it'll be a romantic way, because I just don't know.
I would probably say that I'm either quoiromantic or even nebularomantic.
Quoiromantic means that you can't distinguish between romantic and platonic attraction and nebularomantic is actually the same but due to the status of being neurodivergent.
Neurodivergent means having a development and/or mental disorder. I definitely have mental disorders. I just don't know if they affect my attraction. And I can't compare what I feel now to what I felt when I was in 9th grade. I mean, that was almost five years ago. I wasn't mentally ill back then, but I also wasn't old enough to really think about my attraction and the feeling concerning that.
So, from now on I will say that I'm quoiromantic.
No comments:
Post a Comment