I am so upset (again)!

Yesterday I heard about the suicide of the transgender girl Leelah Alcorn and I was just like "WHAT THE HELL???"
I mean, how can her parents do this to her? Are you fucking serious? And then bury her in a suit and write "Joshua" on her grave??? They must be ... I don't know, I just can't find a word for their behaviour.
Inhuman maybe. Yes! INHUMAN!
I was and still am SO MAD, I can't even describe my hate for her parents...
I also read her suicide note on tumblr and it brought me to tears...

How can parents do this to their child??? I will never understand...

2014 review: Life / trans*

Okay, I will try to do this by month but I'm pretty sure I don't remember that much anymore (I guess that's good actually...):

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JANUARY

• I started into the ney year with my best friend and her family which was great.
• I wrote my last Vorabi-exam (in maths).

FEBRUARY

• Uhmm... I wtote my last "normal" exams

MARCH

• I can't remember what happened there actually, sorry

APRIL

• anxiety
• studying (attempts)
• anxiety
• anti-depressants
• studying
• first Abitur-exam (physics)
• [also in this time it first occured to me that I might be transgender]

MAY

• Abitur-exams (englisch, maths, chemistry)
• Real Friends concert

JUNE

• oral exam (politics) + first breakdown since on anti-depressants (whoops)
• HURRICANE
• applying for a room in HL

JULY

• results + graduation
• applying for uni
• I got sick (I have a blood disease) so we couldn't go on our holiday trip :(
• tears
• more anti-depressants

AUGUST

• The Discovery: I am trans*gender. First I thought I was bi-gender, then genderfluid and then I finally realised I am more male (:
• my birthday
• I started my CO's: first my therapist, then my best friend, then my mum

SEPTEMBER

• LAZINESS (I had nothing to do)

OCTOBER

• moving out
• starting uni
• new friends
• and: my first Youth Group!!!

NOVEMBER

• students' union executive comittee + trip to Denmark
• Qwir every week
• CO to my father, friends, ...
• Twin Atlantic (!!!)

DECEMBER

• One Ok Rock + Mallory Knox + Blitz Kids
• CO to my aunt
• Christmas

[I can't decide if 2014 was more shitty or more great, I really can't...]

2014 review: Music!

First: I didn't miss Music Monday, I just thought it would be better to make this post about my musical 2014! So enjoy!

Favourite album / record
I have to go with two albums, because I really can't decide which is my record of the year:

• "Great Divide" by Twin Atlantic
• "There Is Only You" by The Xcerts

Playlist (Favourite songs)

I will just list my 5 favourite songs that were released this year (excluding songs from the albums above)

• "Kick Me" by Sleeping With Sirens
• "The Wolfpack" by Angels & Airwaves
• "Loose Ends" by Real Friends
• "Geronimo" by Sheppard
• "Ghost In The Mirror" by Mallory Knox

Concerts I've Been To

• Real Friends + Modern Baseball + You Blew It!
• Hurricane Festival
• Twin Atlantic + The Xcerts
• One Ok Rock + Tonight Alive + Mallory Knox
• Taking Back Sunday + Marmozets + Blitz Kids

Great band I've discovered this year

• Blitz Kids
• Real Friends
• Mallory Knox
• Handguns
• Citizen
• One Ok Rock
• Natives
• Marmozets
• We Invented Paris
• ...

Some songs that I hate that were released in 2014

• "Summer" by Calvin Harris
• "All About That Bass" by Meghan Trainor

I am SO upset ...

I really hate being trans*gender. Really!

I just hate that kinda every transguy I know, that is also not on testosterone yet, has a great passing and I'm always "the young lady" - from the first second on. -.-'

The therapist in my new home town seems to never read his mails, but when you call him, there's a messages that says "Send an e-mail" - yeah, thanks, I've tried that...

My mum always emphasises that she bought something in the MEN'S section. I know she only wantes to help me, but she would definitely help more if she took for granted that I know it's from the men's section.

My old therapist said I could talk to the psychiatrist there, but that would be in March. I. Want. That. Now! I hate waiting for this. I don't want to have those fucking problems. I just hate my life this way.
I always wonder why I can't just like my body the way it is - but I just can't like it. It's not me. It doesn't look like I feel.

Also, my father is still ignorant and doesn't answer my calls...

Music Monday #9

So because it's Christmas on Wednesday (or Thursday - I don't know when you celebrate) I will now talk about my favourite Christmas songs. :)
I'm not really into Christmas songs, so this Top 10 will be a struggle for me... :D
But here we go:

1. I Won't Be Home For Christmas - blink-182
2. Merry Christmas, Kiss My Ass - All Time Low
3. Making Christmas - Rise Against
4. Shake Up Christmas - Train
5. I Had Heart - Real Friends
6. Do They Know It's Christmas? - Band Aid
7. Sleigh Ride - Relient K
8. 12 Days Of Christmas - Taking Back Sunday
9. Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree - Mel & Kim
10. O Come All Ye Faithful - Twisted Sister

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And last Wednesday I've been to the Taking Back Sunday Concert in Hamburg - well, actually I just wanted to see Blitz Kids, but Marmozets and TBS were great, too!

Also, I got an autograph and a photo with Nic Montgomery (on which I looked totally fucked up...). Yeah! (:

Music Monday #8

(Yay, I didn't miss it again!)

Last Friday I have been to the One Ok Rock concert in Hamburg. And it was amazing!
I haven't been a fan of One Ok Rock for a long time, but I still had to go to their concert!
The support were Mallory Knox and Tonight Alive. I knew about one or two song of both of them and thought they were good.
But Mallory Know were just great! They were perfect!
Tonight Alive were good too, but not as good as I had expected them to be...

I went with two girls from my city, because one of them asked on the site of the concert if anyone goes by train from my city. So we divided the price of the ticket.
But the best thing was, they didn't know I'm trans* and my passing was so great I was always a guy for them! It was great! *-*

And here my two favourite shots:

Music Monday #7

Damnit - I missed it again... -.-'

So, I have already bought three concert tickets for next year!

• All Time Low - 2015-03-12
• Pierce The Veil (+ SWS) - 2015-03-26
• Hurricane Festival 2015

I can't believe that I found people to go with to the Hurricane Festival! It's just great!

And so I will see All Time Low twice next year! :)

Also we will see:

• The Gaslight Anthem

• Alligatoah

• Every Time I Die

and so many more (that will be announced some time! :P).

Music Monday #6

I just realised that I haven't talked about my favourite bands yet... :o

So this will be the topic for today's Music Monday!

My all-time favourite bands (don't make me chose!!!) are blink-182 and Twin Atlantic.
blink now for over three years now and Twin for about 9 months I guess.

My first "real" favourite band was Green Day. They are definitely still one of my favourites, just not the favourite (if you know what I mean).
And I still know how I got into them: When (or before?) "21st Century Breakdown" was released they always played "Know Your Enemy" on the radio (yes, on the radio) and I just loved that song so much that I got the whole album and that was the start of my new (better) taste in music - before I listened to things like Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus and just the mainstream shit...).
Shortly after that I discovered blink-182 on Guitar Hero ("All The Small Things" obviously), but it took some time to become my favourite band.
And I don't really know how I got into Twin Atlantic at first. I guess, it was because of Biffy Clyro (into whom I got through my dad who bought "Opposites").

Also: I have see all three of them live! (Green Day 30th May 2010, blink-182 30th June 2012, Twin Atlantic Hurricane Festival 2014 + 10th November 2014).

LIFE UPDATE! Dec '14

Okay, here I go. Last month of 2014 - and it has been an eventful and crazy year.

I am out now to most of my friends since last Friday and the reactions were great. (:
And I'm out to my GP - who reacted very good, too...! (:
Also I talked to someone at the youth group about the costs and if the health fund takes them. And yes, they do (almost always). That's just great!
Also, I found out that I don't even have to do therapy to get hormones and surgery. I can just go to the endocrinologist and such. Wuhuu!! [I will call one tomorrow!]

And tomorrow I will go to Hamburg to the WinterPride. It's a Christmas market for gays and lesbians (and of course everyone else who wants to come). I'm so exicted! Also because I will see someone special there! I couldn't see her last Friday because I was in Denmark on the "committee trip" from my university because I'm in the students' union executice committee.

And that was great, too (except for my passing...). I met so many nice people and I hope we can stay in contact somehow.
And we got some work done!

Today is the World AIDS Day and some people from the QuARG help the AIDS Help Lübeck at the university/hospital. And I had a really nice talk with HIV-positive woman about that topic.

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[Ohh... And there's this girl I kind of like... That's a weird feeling, because I don't have much experience with things like that.]