Music Mittwoch ... (because I can)

Sorry for the delay, but I had an exam yesterday (and today) so that I had to study on Monday. But I live in Germany, so I can do it on Wednesday, too! :D

Actually I'm not really prepared this week and I just thought I could talk about the BRITs at 9pm (MEZ), but I don't really know anything about it, except for the fact that James Bay is the Critic's Choice Winner.

I like James Bay's song "Hold Back The River". (:

It's pretty cool that I can watch the show live via YouTube.

Oh, and the videos with Dan & Phil were great!
You should watch them!

Music Monday #15

MUSIC VIDEOS!

I LOVE music videos. Most of all the ones with a concept. The ones that are like really short films (short short films :D). And it's really cool when there are connected videos - like when it's the same album or so.
Like the videos for "Na Na Na" and "SING" by My Chemical Romance. Also they are both ones of my favourite videos.

The only problem is that I live in Germany... GEMA is sooo annoying. And not every band thinks about that and uploads it one Vevo or Vimeao or wherever.

Well, I just thought I'd let you know about my favourite ones:
• "I Write Sins Not Tragedies" - Panic! At The Disco
• "Planetary [Go!]" - My Chemical Romance
• "King For A Day" - Pierce The Veil feat. Kellin Quinn
• "Always" - blink-182
• "Wishing Well" - blink-182
• "The Wolfpack" - Angels & Airwaves
• "Time Bomb" - All Time Low
• "The Captain" - Biffy Clyro
• "Walking Contradiction" - Green Day
• "Here It Goes Again" - OK Go
• "Make A Beast Of Myself" - Twin Atlantic
• "Stumpf Ist Trumpf" - Dendemann
• "Geronimo" - Sheppard

And the best ones at the end:
• "My Song For You" - Scab
• "The Kids From Yesterday" - My Chemical Romance

LIFE UPDATE! Feb '15

I thought it would be time for another life update!
(Also because I should study right now - #danhowelllevelofprocrastination)

Trans*:
In January I was in Hamburg at a (trans*) self-help group and it was great. I met so many nice guys and a nice girl (who laughed more about women-jokes than her boyfriend :D).
I got some tips for expert witnesses because I need two for changing my name.
And that's my next topic: I finished my claim for changement of personal status and name. And sent it away last Monday! (: (I hope it wont take forever to be accepted...)
Also I got an appointement with a trans* therapist next Thursday. She is trans* herself! I will definitely report about that!

Mental health in general:
I don't know what is or was up, but I feel and felt like shit. I don't think it's because of the exams - I'm not stressed or anything. I just don't feel fine. And I keep getting mini panic attacks and anxiety attacks which isn't fun - especially when you try to sleep.
Sometimes my thoughts won't stop at night so even when I don't have anxiety I can't sleep that good.
Still I wouldn't say that I have a sleeping problem, because I always fall asleep eventually and I sleep well.
I guess it's because of the fucking dysphoria.
(This morning I felt incredible dysphoric - so I bought the Stomachaches Vinyl LPand a frnkiero andthe cellabration tee)

Life in general:
Today was my last "lecture day" of this semester and on Monday I'll have my first exam. Thank god (I'm not religious) they only last 90 min! And the first one is also the easiest one: Linear algebra and discrete structures [LADS]. The week after I'll have analysis and pathology/anatomy and the week after that physics and that was it!
(I wish it was three weeks later right now...)
And then I have holidays until april. Yeah! Well, if I don't fail any exams.
-
Ohh... And my blood isn't fine right now as well ... :D
(Okay, that's actually not funny, because I want to play soccer... :()

Music Monday #14

This post will be about instruments! Yeah!

I love playing instruments even though I'm not that good at it.
In elementary school we had to learn the flute, but it wasn't that bad actually and I still can play it (it's not that difficult, so ...).
About 3 1/2 years ago I finally started playing the guitar after wanting that for what felt like centuries - but my parents first didn't want to pay for it.
I started with the old acoustic guitar from my mother which wasn't the best idea... It was a bit "out of order". The sound was always distorted, so it wasn't as much fun as I had imagined it to be.
But after about 1 1/2 years I got a new one and I still love this guitar! ♥

Last year I finally got my first electric guitar! It was a birthday present with amp and everything and I could finally start learning all of my favourite songs - well, at least not only the acoustic versions. ;)

I'd also like to play the drums and the bass guitar.

I don't really like the piano and I personally don't want to play the keyboard either.

But I still think every person that plays an instrument is fucking rad and I love you for doing it! (:

What if ...

Yesterday my grandma (mother's side) celebrated her 70th birthday, so many of her friends were invited who obviously only know me as a girl.

And here are some comments I got from them:
• "Oh, I almost didn't recognise you. You look like a boy now..."
• "She should have been a boy."
• "You have a boy's haircut. Convenient, isn't it?"
• "Good bye, my boy!"

Also my own grandfather (father's side) didn't recognise me. He shook my hand and when I later walked over to them he shook my hand again and my grandmother told me he hadn't reconised me.
(I think I still look like always, except for the haircut... I mean my face still looks the same...)
My cousin later told me their conversation:
GF: "Where's [female name]?
GM: "There! She has a boy's haircut now!"

So I didn't get mean comments or (too) weird looks and I actually enjoyed that, because it means my passing isn't that bad anymore;
but here are the what ifs:

What if I were a (butch) lesbian?
And therefor liked to wear men clothes, have short hair, but definitely identified as a woman?

What if I were a woman that struggles with looking too masculin because of whatever? (okay, then I'd probably had long hair, but still...)

In that case most of the comments I got would be kinda rude or mean actually.
(Okay, I also think if you're a butch lesbian you often get such comments...)

Mental health and studies...

I am a uni student now and because it is a medical university there are often studies from higher students because of some works or their doctorate.
But there's almost always required to not take medication (except for birth control).

So, now there's a new study about chocolate and there are only two requirements:
• age between 18-something (I don't know)
• no psychiatric illness ...

I just hate that. I can never participate in these things, but all of my friends can. Because they don't take medication and they are not mental.

I mean if I didn't have depression I couldn't participate because of my blood disease - where I have to take medication - and because being trans* is a mental thing.

Thanks.

Also you mostly get paid for that.

Music Monday #13

This post dedicated to Mallory Knox. A perfect band I recently bought the new (deluxe version) album Asymmetry which is on repeat every day now.
I first listened to them in November I guess, but only to "Ghost In The Mirror" (which I listen to right now :D). And then I saw them live at the One Ok Rock concert in December and I have to admit they were the best this evening - even though they were the first support band...
I got a flyer about the new album being released on January 23rd, so exactly on that day I bought the album. :) I just love it! ♥
I think Mallory Knox is now one of my favourite band, too!
And I will see them live again in March as support for PTV & SWS!!!! YES!

My favourite song is probably "Glimmer", because it kind of describes my life / my situation right now.

There once was a man who held a gun to his head
He's sitting sad & all alone & faking smiles to pretend
But there's a tiny little glimmer in the back of his mind that's going down, down, down
But not this time

And then he tripped & he fell & found himself in a hole
He felt like he was crushed from all the weight of the world
But there's a tiny little glimmer in the back of his mind that's going down, down, down
But not this time

So shine a light to the land my lover I'll be holding on to you'll be fine on your own tonight, tonight
So shine a light to the land my lover I'll be holding on to you'll be fine on your own tonight, tonight, tonight

There once was a man who woke to find himself dead
Walking sad & all alone to find his way home again
But there's a tiny little glimmer in the back of his mind that's going down, down, down
Can't leave this time

So shine a light to the land my lover I'll be holding on to you'll be fine on your own tonight, tonight
So shine a light to the land my lover I'll be holding on to you'll be fine on your own tonight, tonight, tonight
So shine a light to the land my lover i'll be holding on to you'll be fine on your own tonight, tonight
So shine a light to the land my lover i'll be holding on to you'll be fine on your own tonight, tonight, tonight

There once was a man who held a gun to his head
He's sitting sad & all alone & faking smiles to pretend
But there's a tiny little glimmer in the back of his mind that's going down, down, down.

Also I am going to see frnkiero andthe cellabration live in May!!!!!!