Royal TS

Some friends and I have started a YouTube channel called "Royal TS" a few weeks ago.
I just thought I'd let you know!
But it's in German.

And we try to be funny... :D

Here's the link: Royal TS

blink-182

I kinda feel the need to give a shitty comment about the kinda-break-up of blink-182.

I have to admit, first I was shocked, then - after Tom's Instagram post - I was relieved and then I was just confused - like many others.
Did Tom quit blink? Or did he not?
We don't really know, but I think so.

In my opinion in the first place blink got back together because of Travis' accident. And that was also when Tom's head was already more in his new project "Angles & Airwaves". I don't think about this as a bad thing. I love AvA - not as much as I love blink, but I do.
Since the reunion it was weird. Many fans don't like "Neighborhoods" or "Dogs Eating Dogs" - I do, but I also got into blink-182 through "Neighborhoods" (and also some popular songs) - and just complain that it's more like AvA. Yes, it unfortunately is. After listening to the "old" blink-182 and after finally getting myself into AvA (I first didn't want to listen to them because so many blink fans hate(d) it) I thought so, too.
I'd really liked a new blink album, but a blink album, not an AvA album released by blink-182 - which it probably would've been.

Also, I think it's better this way if Tom isn't happy or Mark and Travis aren't happy. And I still suppose there was like a fight between Tom and Travis - not Tom and Mark, but I don't know. I mean, I don't even know if there was a fight.

blink-182 should just call it a day now. The fans are kinda disappointed and upset and blink-182 is just not blink-182 without Tom and his voice. Tom is an irreplacable member of the band - just like Mark.
Don't get me wrong, I love Travis, but I think on the one hand because he isn't a founder member and on the other hand because he doesn't sing he is replacable.

Another point is the splitted fanbase now. I just hate how kinda everyone has to choose between Tom or Mark and Travis. Why do you do this?
It's the fault of the three of them, not only Tom's or the other way round.
Yes, Tom does more for AvA - new record, comics, movie - but that's okay. And so I think Mark and Travis could bring +44 back.

And also, they are over 40 years old now. I mean you can't do everything at once, like Tom would have to if he did AvA and blink at the same time.

Actually the whole thing isn't really surprising and we should've seen it coming - since the reunion.

Still, blink-182 will be my favourite band of all time and I'm happy I can say that I saw them live at least once in my life. That was one of the best days of life.

Thank you for everything Mark, Tom and Travis, I'll miss you. Goodbye. :(

Maybe this is the return of +44?

(It's so sad that two of my favourite bands don't exist anymore)

Jealousy?

Today two of my friends and I talked about my relationship with a trans woman. They asked me if we were jealous, because obviously the other one has the body you want - and even a functional one.
I'm not gonna lie: Yes, yes I am kinda jealous sometimes, but I guess that's normal. I'm also jealous when I see other biological men.
Actually I think it's "good" to be in a realationship with someone who suffers as much as you - I mean we both know how bad it sometimes is, dysphoria and everything.

Let's get physical ... or better not

I don't know if this has something to do with me being trans* and/or that I really don't like me body, but I really hate physical contact. It makes feel so uncomfortable.
Like long hugs or cuddling or just being too close to a person for too long. It's not that I get claustrophobia - yeah, I feel constricted, but not that bad -, I just really don't like it.
Maybe it's because I'm afraid that people feel my female body parts. I mean it's bad enough that I have them, that I can feel them all the time and that I even have to see them! (fucking dysphoria)
But I don't know if that's the reason. I also feel uncomfortable with people who know I'm trans* and/or who are also trans*...

In those situations my heart starts to race, I kinda feel trapped and out of control, like the other person has control over me and my body - and this is definitely one of my fears and also a reason I don't drink too much alcohol: My fear of losing control.
It's bad enough that my depression and anxiety sometimes make me lose control - so that's kind of a trigger.
And I really don't understand how other people want to lose control - with drinking or whatever.

Still it is okay to hug me - and I sometimes also enjoy longer hugs when I don't feel too bad - I also don't feel that uncomfortable while holding someone's hand (except for the fact that I always have sweaty palms - but that's a different story).

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I googled and maybe it's kind of haphephobia...? But I don't know.

Music Monday #12

30 "Days" Challenge

01 - Your favourite song
Versus The World - I Am Russian Winter
02 - Your least favourite song
Calvin Harris - Summer
03 - A song that makes you happy
Twin Atlantic - Hold On / blink-182 - Wishing Well
04 - A song that makes you sad
My Chemical Romance - SING
05 - A song that reminds you of someone
We Invented Paris - Everyone Knows
06 - A song that reminds you of somewhere
Rise Against - Help Is On The Way
07 - A song that reminds you of a certain event
The Xcerts - Shaking In The Water
08 - A song that you know all the words to
(so many) Fall Out Boy - Chicago Is So Two Years Ago
09 - A song that you can dance to
My Chemical Romance - Planetary [GO!]
10 - A song that makes you fall asleep
Snow Patrol - Crack The Shutters
11 - A song from your favourite band
blink-182 - Apple Shampoo
12 - A song from a band you hate
Söhne Mannheims - Iz On
13 - A song with a great video
Scab - My Song For You
14 - A song that no one would expect you to love
Breathe Caroline - Blackout
15 - A song that describes you
Casper - Im Ascheregen
16 - A song that you used to love but now hate
(I don't know)
17 - A song that hear often on the radio
Meghan Trainor - All About That Bass
18 - A song that you wish you heard on the radio
Biffy Clyro - Victory Over The Sun
19 - A song from your favourite album
All Time Low - Break Your Little Heart
20 - A song that you listen to when you're angry
Rise Against - Re-Education (Throug Labour)
21 - A song that you listen to when you're happy
Twin Atlantic - Edit Me / My Chemical Romance - Vampire Money
22 - A song that you listen to when you're sad
Blitz Kids - Keep Swinging / Pierce The Veil - Props & Mayhem
23 - A song that you want to play at your wedding
(I don't want to marry) We Shot The Moon - Sway Your Head
24 - A song that you want to play at your funeral
All Time Low - Do You Want Me (Dead)?
25 - A song that makes you laugh
Handguns - Early Retirement
26 - A song that you can play on an instrument
All Time Low - Lost In Stereo / Twin Atlantic - Crash Land
27 - A song that you wish you could play
My Chemical Romance - Famous Last Words
28 - The song with your favourite lyrics
blink-182 - Up All Night
29 - A song from your childhood
Jonas Brothers - Hollywood
30 - Your favourite song at this time last year
Pierce The Veil (feat. Kellin Quinn) - King For A Day

Bella Be Strange & Rae Spoon live

Yesterday friends of mine and I went to the Rae Spoon concert in Hamburg.
They are a musician from Canada and also transgender. I hadn't heard of them before but I thought it might be interesting to watch them perform.
It's was in a small "bar" called "Centro Sociale" (that's kinda close to the "Knust" were I saw Blitz Kids).
Rae played the guitar and sang; and although it wasn't my taste in music, it was actually really good.

Before Rae Spoon Bella Be Strange played some songs. Some of my friends also know them from the youth group - and I must admit that I kinda liked them more then Rae Spoon...

Unfortunately I had to go quite early because I had to catch my train.

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Bella Be Strange

Rae Spoon

Transgender Workshop

Last thursday we - QuARG - took part in a transgender workshop at our uni.
This event was organised by the AIDS support Lübeck and a students' organisation of medicine students (it's called MSV).
Actually there should be two trans women to talk but one of them got ill unfortunately.
First to talked about trans' stuff in general - like all those terms - and then we started a question period. The woman who was there was really nice and answered all of the question - of course I had questions, too. I don't really know anything about MtF's...

And we watched a great movie: Finnemans.
It's movie from the netherlands about the 15-year-old Finn, who spots his father wearing his mother's clothes.

I can really recommend it! :)

Music Monday #11

Today's topic is memories!

I guess you all know that: You listen to a song and suddenly all kinds of different memories come flowing through your mind. Mostly I love this, but there are also certain songs that remind you of bad things.

I will try to find some songs that remind me of something:

• "Help Is On The Way" by Rise Against
This song always reminds me of our class trip in 9th grade which was soooo great! :)

• "Fantastic Baby" by BigBang
This songs was played every day all day in my introductory week at uni...

• "Sing" by My Chemical Romance
Ok, this is one of the sad ones, because this always reminds that MCR broke up. :(

• "Everyone Knows" by We Invented Paris
Hurricane Festival 2014!!!!

• "Hold On" by Twin Atlantic
This a very important song for me. It's kind of my "companion-song" for this new chapter of my life.

• "Rise Of The Morning Glory" by Edguy
This reminds me of winter mornings when I still went to school by bus, because I always listened to "Hellfire Club" when I went to the bus stop which was kinda far away from my house.

• "Planetary [GO!]" by My Chemical Romance
Many good memories... :)

• "Jeremy Kyle Is A Marked Man" by Blakfish
Suicide Room!

• "After Midnight" by blink-182
Not the best memories, but I love this song so much!

• "Therapy" by All Time Low
This songs reminds me of me...

I know there are actually plenty more.
The problem with this is, you mostly only remember these things WHILE you are listening to that certain song. That probably why I can't thing of good ones... Sorry.

[I should make a list and whenever I have a song like that, I immediately write it down.]

Music Monday #10

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! (:

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And it's the first Monday this year. This means: MUSIC MONDAY!

So many bands will realease new records this year and I'm already soooo excited! Therefore I will tell you which ones I look forward to most!

I found this image on Twitter - and my favourites are:

• blink-182
• All Time Low
• Pierce The Veil
• Real Friends
• Four Year Strong
• Fall Out Boy
• Bring Me The Horizon
• Panic! At The Disco
• Citizen
• Simple Plan
• Mayday Parade
• Chunk! No, Captain Chunk!
• The Story So Far

And I also want to give Neck Deep, Title Fight, letlive., Being As An Ocean and some others a try!

Also Blitz Kids will release a new record this year!!!

[I will be so poor at the end of this year... :D]