I guess it started in elementary school. I had more boys as friends - probably also because we were 5 girls to 11 boys in class and the girls were kind of annoying. And they only had interests like horses and just so many things I wasn't into.
I started to dress like a boy - actually I wore sports clothes, but still. Some times people really thought I was a boy and I liked that. My neighbour - who is also my best guy friend - always called me half-boy and I always pretended to be annoyed by that - but I wasn't.
However, when I went to the higher school I had more female friends (with similar interests) I thought it was just a phase. I didn't mind puberty - I was a girl and girls get boobs and their period, right?
About 2 1/2 years ago I started to hate my body. I got depressed and underweight (which I liked, because no period). I started self-harming and I never knew why I was that unhappy. I didn't know what made me sad and why I hated myself so much.
I had read about transsexuality before, but I never identified as trans* until this summer. It finally made *click* and everything seemed to make sense.
I first came out to my therapist. I wrote a letter, because I struggled (and still struggle) to openly talk about it. Next was my best female friend, then my mum (both letters again) and then my other therapist - that was the first time I said it directly, and that really cost me quite an effort.
All those reactions were positive. But I think my mum doesn't really understand the whole topic of being trans* and she asked me very weird questions - or at least not the questions I had expected.
But I bought a book about and for FTMs, which I gave to her to read.
I also would like to start a testosterone therapy, because my passing is terrible. I'm really short (1,56m/5'2'') and I have a really feminine face.
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