Whenever I talk about the things I do people ask me if I don't have a life. I know they are joking, but I actually kinda think that I do this to not having to deal with my life.
I mean, I always feel like shit when I'm alone for too long or just don't have to do anything. I can't be bored without hating myself and feeling like shit.
So I try to distract myself with doing things even though it is stressing me out. When uni starts again I will have another thing that adds up to my 'list' of things I do.
I am doing so much (volunteer) work for lambda::nord (a youth LGBT+ organisation). I'm actually in the steering committee, helping with the school project and also the youth group leader.
Then I'm also in the students' union executive committee as well as the "party group", and well, uni by itself.
And then I want to visit my mum from time to time, and also, concerts.
It really seems that I don't have a life outside of this and I guess I don't really have.
I don't meet with friends (well, the guys in the youth group are kinda friends, but still) - at least not with people from uni. My best friend moved away for uni so I can't see her when I'm in my hometown, another good friend lives not thaaat far away, but still too far to just go there and another one lives on the other side of the fucking country.
So yeah, I'm kinda afraid that everything will be too much to bare with, but I'm also afraid of the weekends where I don't have much to do.
I don't hate being alone - I actually like it - I just hate the thoughts that creep into my head then.
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